


just you

by ANKLE



Series: bokuaka one-shots [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bokuaka - Freeform, Bokuto is so understanding, Fingering, First Time, Implied Sexual Assault, M/M, Porn with Feelings, Soft sex, Triggers, akaashi cries, past trauma, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:53:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27816388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ANKLE/pseuds/ANKLE
Summary: The protagonists don't always have a happy story, but they're trying .OR Akaashi has trauma from being sexually assaulted his first year as a university student and Bokuto and him have never managed to have full intercourse because of it. One night, Akaashi's ready to try.-<< TRIGGER WARNINGS >>- Implied sexual assault- PTSD<< CONTENT WARNING >>- Explicit sex
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Series: bokuaka one-shots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2006887
Comments: 2
Kudos: 100





	just you

**Author's Note:**

> samara by zand is paired with this fic pls listen to it thank <3

That night, Bokuto asked Akaashi if he still wanted to try having sex. Akaashi said yes and reminded Bokuto of the ground rules in an unsteady voice. Lights on; ask before taking off clothes; be gentle; stop when Akaashi needs to stop; be patient. Of course, Bokuto knew these rules well and he would never break them; he knew how anxious sex made Akaashi now. 

So, after locking the door, the two crawled into bed. Bokuto put the lube and a condom on the side table, before looking at Akaashi again, asking, “Okay?”

Akaashi licked his lips, nodding. “I’m okay.”

Bokuto studied Akaashi’s face carefully, then asked, “Do you want to put on some music in case you need some grounding?”

“Yeah,” Akaashi nodded, grabbing his phone and opening up his music. He connected his phone to the bluetooth speaker and then shuffled a playlist quietly. Not so loud that it got in the way, but just loud enough for Akaashi to focus his mind on if he started slipping down that slope of traumatic flashbacks. 

Then Bokuto softly asked for permission to kiss Akaashi, and once Akaashi gave him permission, he leaned over and cupped Akaashi’s face, melding their mouths together. He briefly opened his eyes a smidgen as they kissed, and smiled slightly when he saw Akaashi’s eyes were closed comfortably. Bokuto softly trailed his mouth over Akaashi’s cheek, peppering his face with kisses. Akaashi’s grip in Bokuto’s hair tightened and Bokuto paused silently, trying to judge the tightening. 

“Can I take off your shirt?” Bokuto whispered, leaning back.

Akaashi nodded. His eyes were bright and his pupils were blown wide, almost overtaking his irises. He helped Bokuto remove his shirt and then gently held onto Bokuto’s wrists as he brushed his hands over his chest. Bokuto leaned down and kissed Akaashi’s neck and collar, his hands grazing Akaashi’s sides, fingers softly trailing over his defined, protruding ribs. 

Slowly, as not to surprise Akaashi, he slid down and started kissing Akaashi’s chest. Bokuto slid out his tongue and circled Akaashi’s nipple, drawing out a moan from him. He felt Akaashi beneath his fingertips, refreshing his memory of his skin, his warmth, his shape. These days, Bokuto didn’t get to feel Akaashi underneath his fingers as much.

He slowly slid back up, kissing Akaashi shoulder, fingertips lightly brushing over his neck.

“I’m okay, I’m okay,” Akaashi breathed, telling Bokuto just as much as convincing himself.

Bokuto softly pinched one of Akaashi’s nipples between his thumb and forefinger, attentive to Akaashi’s body. He could feel himself growing hard and a small portion of him was begging to go faster, stop being gentle, but feeling Akaashi’s shaking hands on his shoulders kept that side of his lust at bay. 

“I’m going to take my shirt off, okay?” Bokuto said. 

“Okay,” Akaashi whispered. He watched Bokuto shuck off his shirt and toss it aside. His entire body was tingling and he couldn’t distinguish it from anxiety or attraction. He lightly scratched his bitten down nails across Bokuto’s pecs. He wanted to close his eyes, just drink Bokuto in with his other senses, but the fear that lay waiting at the back of his mind wouldn’t let him relax enough to take his eyes off of Bokuto.

“You’re still okay?” Bokuto worried. “Stop me if you need to.”

Akaashi sat up and then, before he could think too hard about it, wiggled out of his pants, kicking them off the bed. He was partially erect. “I’m okay,” he said breathlessly, swallowing. He grabbed Bokuto’s shoulders and pushed him onto his back, crawling on top of him and straddling his waist. He placed his hands flat on Bokuto’s chest and then ground his hips downwards, rubbing their members together. Bokuto groaned, clutching the bedsheets in his fists. 

“Take off your pants,” Akaashi said softly, his voice barely audible. He tugged at the waistband of Bokuto’s sweatpants. 

Once Bokuto’s pants were off, and Akaashi could see the clear outline of his cock, he had to call a timeout, realizing that he wasn’t breathing properly. He squeezed his eyes closed and his hands gathered into shaking fists on Bokuto’s chest. He tried to tune his ear to the music, trying to remind himself that he was safe and in control here. 

Bokuto waited patiently, unmoving and quiet. He didn’t reach out to touch Akaashi. 

“Keiji,” Bokuto finally said softly. 

Akaashi opened his eyes, looking down at Bokuto. 

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” he finished.

Akaashi shook his head. “No, I want to. I just need a second, please.” 

Bokuto smiled warmly and said, “Let me know when you’re ready to keep going. I’ll wait until you’re good.” A few seconds of silence passed, the only sounds being the soft music and Akaashi’s stuttering breathing. “I would never hurt you, Keiji. It’s just me, okay? You know me.”

Akaashi nodded. “I know. I know. I love you. I know.”

After a few minutes, Akaashi unclenched his hands and said quietly, “I’m okay. We can keep going.” 

They kissed again and Bokuto slid his hands slowly down Akaashi’s back, resting them on his hips. He rolled his own hips up, rubbing them against each other, and they moaned in unison. Akaashi breathed hotly against Bokuto’s neck. He breathed Bokuto in. Bokuto smelled like safety. He didn’t smell like Akaashi’s assaulter. Bokuto smelled warm, protective, and safe.

They rolled over, Bokuto on top of Akaashi, cupping his body carefully and rocking against him. 

“Should we try stretching you out now? I’ll go slow and  _ tell me  _ if you want me to stop, okay?” 

Akaashi shivered and nodded, determined. Then he whispered, “You can take off my underwear.”

Slowly, Bokuto hooked his fingers under the waist of Akaashi’s underwear and pulled them off. Akaashi’s erection sprung free and he bent his knees up, feeling vulnerable and suddenly embarrassed. Bokuto swallowed as he reached over and grabbed the lube. He squeezed some onto his hand, then said, “Do you want to put a pillow underneath your hips?”

Akaashi silently wriggled a pillow beneath himself and then hesitantly placed his ankles on Bokuto’s shoulders. He blinked at the ceiling, feeling the bed shift under Bokuto’s weight.

“I’m going to kind of take control for a second here,” Bokuto informed Akaashi. “Are you still doing okay?” 

“Yes,” Akaashi replied quietly. He spread his hands over his stomach, brushing away the ghostly remnants of  _ His _ hands.

And so Bokuto pulled apart Akaashi’s asscheeks and spread the lube over the area. He ran a thumb over the little rosebud of Akaashi’s anus, softly running his hands over Akaashi’s ass and thighs, trying to brush away harmful memories. Akaashi was stiff; rigid. 

“I’m going to put in my pinky first, okay?” Bokuto mumbled. He folded his fingers except for his pinky finger and slowly pushed it into Akaashi. Bokuto felt him tense and his body jolted, and Bokuto paused. After a few seconds, he slowly began pulling his pinky in and out. 

He had fingered Akaashi before on occasion. He knew that Akaashi could go that far. 

“I’m going to do my index finger now,” he said. He squeezed out some more lube and slowly watched his finger disappear inside of Akaashi. 

Then, very quietly, Akaashi said, “Go faster.” 

Bokuto started stroking Akaashi’s insides, curling his finger as he searched for Akaashi’s prostate. 

He got kicked the second he found it. 

“I’m so sorry!” Akaashi cried, sitting up quickly. “I’m so sorry, it just surprised me. I didn’t mean to, I’m so sorry. Are you okay?” 

Bokuto, grasping his chest with wide eyes, said, “Don’t apologize. It’s fine, it’s fine. It was just a reflex, don’t worry about it.” He cleared his throat and patted his chest. “Do we need to stop?”

“No!” Akaashi cried. He dropped back down, lifting his legs again. “Put in a second finger. I won’t kick you again, I promise.”

Bokuto laughed and leaned down between Akaashi’s legs and kissed him. “I’m so fucking in love with you.”

He sat back again, coated his fingers with a bit more lube, and then very carefully pushed them into Akaashi. Akaashi groaned and brushed stray hairs off his forehead. Bokuto rubbed his fingers against Akaashi’s prostate and Akaashi’s back arched. His legs quivered as Bokuto thrust in and out slowly. 

After he figured Akaashi had grown accustomed to his two fingers, he warned him he was adding a third. It was usually at three fingers when things started to chip away, falling apart. Creating a small triangle with his first three fingers, Bokuto carefully pushed them in, slowly working past any resistance. 

Once his fingers were completely inside of Akaashi, he looked up at his face. Akaashi had his eyes squeezed shut and his chest was rising and falling heavily. His ass was clamping down tensely against Bokuto’s fingers and the idea of his cock being sucked into Akaashi’s ass filled his head, making more precum leak from the tip and dampen his underwear. 

“Keep going,” Akaashi whispered, shifting his hips. He opened his eyes and looked down at Bokuto. Quietly, to himself, he breathed, “It’s just you.”

It took them a little while, but finally Akaashi was stretched as much as he could be. After double checking that he was still okay to keep going, Bokuto asked if he could take off his underwear. 

After saying yes, Akaashi boldly said, “Let me put the condom on for you.”

Bokuto looked at him quickly, excitement building in his stomach. He handed Akaashi the condom packet and then pulled off his underwear. Akaashi sat up on the edge of the bed, taking a deep breath and then held out a hand, saying, “Come here.”

Bokuto stepped up in front of him and Akaashi struggled to open the condom with his shaking hands. Bokuto crouched down, cupping his hands.

“Don’t force yourself to do this. I can put on the condom myself,” he said softly.

Akaashi looked at him. “No, no, I can do it. I want to. My hands are just shaky. I’m okay.” He finally got the packet opened and then pulled out the condom. “Stand up.” 

Bokuto pressed his lips together to hide his smile as he stood up. 

And then, Akaashi’s slender fingers touched Bokuto, making Bokuto moan. He clenched his hands into fists to avoid grabbing Akaashi’s hair. Slowly, Akaashi slid the condom down Bokuto’s member, stroking him. 

“Fuck, Keiji,” he hissed, biting a fist.

Eyes down, focused on his hands, Akaashi quietly said, “You can touch me, Koutarou.” 

Softly, Bokuto kneaded his fingers into Akaashi’s hair, holding on for support as Akaashi stroked him. He didn’t expect Akaashi to blow him. That would be too bold. But he slowly brushed his hands through Akaashi’s hair as he stroked his hand up and down Bokuto’s shaft. Bokuto lightly felt Akaashi’s ears, thumbs brushing over his soft earlobes. He watched Akaashi’s face; his lowered eyes, eyelashes curling up slightly above his cheeks; the soft slope of his nose. Bokuto smiled to himself and then asked:

“Are you ready to do it now?”

Akaashi nodded. 

“Do you want to be on top? You’ll have more control that way,” Bokuto suggested. 

“No, I don’t… I don’t think… ” Akaashi started, frowning. “I want to be on the bed, on my back. I want to be able to still see you. But it… I think it’ll be easier like that.”

“Okay,” Bokuto agreed, getting back onto the bed and grabbing the lube. “Just let me know if you want to change positions. As long as you’re comfortable.” 

Akaashi laid down again and then lifted his legs. Bokuto generously coated his cock with lube and then put a bit more on Akaashi’s ass, slipping two fingers in again to relax Akaashi. Then he positioned himself in front of Akaashi, giving him warning before moving forward. 

Bokuto looked at Akaashi, saw him with a wrist between his teeth, biting down. He stopped and soothed, “I’ll go slow. Stop me if it’s uncomfortable or painful. It’s just me, right? I’d never hurt you.”

Akaashi inhaled deeply then loosened his bite on his wrist. “Okay. Okay. Go ahead.” 

Bokuto pressed into Akaashi, groaning. Akaashi’s legs trembled. Bokuto felt his tip slip in with a little resistance. He paused there, double checking how Akaashi was doing. 

“Relax, baby,” he hushed. “It’ll go so much smoother if you relax. You’re so tense. Focus on the music, don’t think about what I’m doing down here.” He gave Akaashi a few seconds to steady his breathing. “Can I keep going?” 

Akaashi nodded, and Bokuto pushed farther, leaning over Akaashi. He groaned, thighs shaking. Akaashi looked over to the bluetooth speaker playing music, staring at it for a few seconds. He shivered, ghostly hands sliding over his bare chest and stomach.

Bokuto slowly pushed forward. They had already gone farther than they had ever gone before. Bokuto had never been inside of Akaashi like this before and feeling his tight heat around his cock was turning his head into mush. He watched Akaashi's face carefully as he slowly rocked back and forth to carefully stretch Akaashi to fit his cock. He was still only halfway inside.

"Stop," Akaashi croaked, eyes squeezed shut. He brought his shaking hands to his face. "I can't breathe. I can't breathe."

Bokuto pulled out carefully but quickly, brushing Akaashi's hair back. He shushed him, reminding him where they were and that he was safe. Akaashi wiped stray tears from his eyes. His breathing was quick and uneven. 

"I don't want to stop. I just need a second. I don't want to stop."

"Don't force yourself to do this," Bokuto hummed.

Akaashi shook his head. "I'm not forcing myself to do this. I want to do it. I just got scared for a second. Put yourself back in, I'm okay. It just feels… it just feels uncomfortable because we've never done this before." 

Bokuto hesitated before slowly pushing himself back into Akaashi. Akaashi turned his head towards the bluetooth speaker again, his chest stuttering with uneven breaths. Bokuto continued rocking himself back and forth, very, very slowly pushing himself into Akaashi until finally, their hips met. Bokuto stayed like that, unmoving. He leaned down and stroked Akaashi’s face, lightly kissing the tears on his cheekbones. 

Akaashi turned his face into Bokuto’s, his fingers lightly playing with Bokuto’s ears, one hand firmly on Bokuto’s shoulder for security. They stayed like that for a few minutes, their faces together, Bokuto softly kissing Akaashi’s face while Akaashi shakily felt Bokuto’s body beneath his fingertips. Shakily felt that this was Bokuto, not anybody else. That this was Bokuto and he wouldn’t do anything without permission. That this was Bokuto and Akaashi had a say in what happened.

“Can I move yet or do you need a few more minutes?” Bokuto finally asked quietly. 

Akaashi shifted his hips testily before inhaling sharply and closing his eyes. “Not yet,” he whispered, voice unstable. 

Bokuto slowly moved to link their fingers, but Akaashi pulled away. “No, no, no,” he said, blinking rapidly. “I don’t want to be pinned down.” 

“Okay, alright, that’s fair,” Bokuto said understandably. He instead rested his hand beside Akaashi’s head, lightly twirling a piece of his hair. 

Akaashi tried moving his hips again and Bokuto bit back a moan, his cock twitching for any sort of movement. 

But then, Akaashi shook his head and bit down harshly on his quivering lip. “No, I can’t do it. I’m sorry, I- I can’t. I want to stop.” 

Bokuto immediately felt himself sober up and he slowly pulled out of Akaashi again, the movement drawing a hiccuping, whimpering cry from him. Akaashi covered his face again, his entire body stiff and trembling. 

He noticed Akaashi was no longer hard and he knew that was as far as they would be getting that night. “Do you want to go get in the shower? Wash everything off and just relax?” 

Akaashi sat up, chewing his lip and twisting his fingers. “Will you shower with me?” 

“If you want,” Bokuto said.

Akaashi nodded. 

“Alright, well, you go get in the shower and I’ll come join you. I’d like to take care of…” Bokuto gestured to his still fully erect cock. 

Akaashi looked to the side, grimacing. “I’m sorry. I- You- You can fuck my thighs if you want.” 

Bokuto smiled slightly, sadly. “It’s okay, babe, really. I can tell that you just want to be done with this for the night. I can take care of it by myself. Don’t stress yourself out over it.” He squeezed Akaashi’s hand. “You did a lot more than we’ve ever done before. You did really well, Keiji, and we can keep trying until you’re fully comfortable.” 

Akaashi blinked and nodded, his head lowered. “I’m sorry for getting you excited.” 

Bokuto laughed. “Don’t apologize for that. It’s  _ okay _ , Keiji, really, it is. Please don’t think this is a failure or a disappointment. I’m not mad about not being able to go all the way. We got a whole lot further than I was expecting. You’re okay, yeah?”

Akaashi nodded, giving Bokuto a thin-lipped smile. His chin was dimpled as he fought back self hatred. Bokuto helped him to his feet and Akaashi went to get in the shower. Bokuto quickly jerked himself off to completion and cleaned up the bedroom, putting away the lube and pulling off the bed sheets. He turned off the music. He collected some clothes for himself and Akaashi and then made his way to the bathroom.


End file.
